But she wished she could put the thing she had done in some way to them so that it would not hurt them so much as the truth would certainly do. “With your permission I should like to search the remainder of your rooms. You said that it would bring trouble. “I’ll turn you here. Surely she could ignore him. I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart. ’ For a moment Melusine stared at him as she took in the full horror of his scheme. The expression was wholly different. . “Why will you not be sensible? Go back to your old life and your old friends, and forget all about Paris and this absurd delusion of yours. There is only Gerald to see me, after all. To O'Higgins—for all his sordid business he was not insensible to beauty—to O'Higgins she appeared to have entered the room with the light. In the discussion there was the oddest mixture of things that were personal and petty with an idealist devotion that was fine beyond dispute.
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